My GM didn't intend me to like Bookkeeping.

Bob, my GM in Traveller, didn't intend me to like Book Keeping when he ran Traveller. He probably wanted to run traveller based on his current scifi inspiration at the time. What I took away from his game was really up to me and how I deal with the experience. 

So I got to catch up with my brother and I realized this in the discussion regarding one of our childhood friends and his dissatisfaction when his character was made to operate a Japanese manor instead of being a murder hobo. His GM and other players were there in the same zoom call and said he did a very good job, but he hated it. 

The business I ran in Traveller FAILED. It was all the classic mistakes that you see even now, even in the age of the internet and online classes and access to all this knowledge. I did not know my costs, and thus could not choose profitable ventures for the ship and thus we lost money and kept on taking debt. 

I loved it. It influenced the game I played under Mark Knights, where I played an Admin/Steward 贾. It influenced the character I play now in Bob's game which I play a character distantly related to the Character in Mark's game. The difference is in Bob's first game I had capital, I played a Noble and kept financing the ship till its Liabilities was several times over the Value of the entire business. 

But my ability to Take Failure and Accept it was because I had the good fortune to have enough love and support to be OK with failing. I am the "son of the owner", I am born in one shrunken middle class after the Marco Era, I had enough friends that correction is less painful for me than other people.  

On very sad take away is that: How I ended up liking the Bookkeeping and the Work Decision Making (which fueled my work.gameinthebrain.org blog) is how I processed the experience and given how we are all pretty "unique" I will probably never experience that kind of game outside the group I have. As well as very few people will every LIKE games that way. 

Bob did not intend me to like Book Keeping in games. I did not intend to LIKE bookkeeping going into his game. But that's what happened because the PAINFUL part of the game was something I had the good fortune to be able to process. 

If I tried to replicate it we have the HUMAN Variable of take away. Human is not a reliable or consisent value plus I also a Variable. I can fuck up storytelling. 

TRPGs grant XP to Players, especially when there is an unintended conflict between the Player and the GAME that tests, defines, and clarifies more about the Player than Previous Thought. Being a SAFE space, the player CAN convert the experience into something TANGIBLE.